Just like anyone else with mental health problems, I have good and bad days. A good day is when I feel upbeat, or even just normal, mentally, where I have no issues that put me off track. A bad day, however, is a very different matter.
Everyone experiences a bad day differently, so I thought I’d just focus on what a bad day is like for me.
I kind of know from the moment I wake up whether or not it’s going to be a good day or not. The tell-tale sign from the get-go is when I wish I’d never woken up at all, but also, I often have bad dreams and they can also set me up for the day. Other times I may have had no sleep at all due an overactive imagination which is possibly the worst experience of them all.
If I wake up knowing I have a busy day ahead, where I may have telephone appointments or might have to go out food shopping or somewhere busy, my mood can be low from the minute I wake up. Just knowing I have to face dealing with other people that day is enough to set off my depression and anxieties. What may seem like a simple mundane task to normal people can feel like walking into the bowels of hell for me. Knowing that what I’m going to have to do that day has the potential to upset my mental health in various ways is a really difficult concept to have to live and deal with. It can also be mentally and physically exhausting as the mental preparation it takes just to leave the house on a bad day can be completely overwhelming.
The journey to the destination can be torturous too, especially if I’m required to use public transport as I have mentioned in a previous blog post. It’s like playing a waiting game when you know the end result is something you dislike.
Being in a supermarket is like hell for me on a good day, never mind a bad day. The chatter of people, the rustle of bags, the tapping of footsteps, the clanging of shopping trolleys, all amplified in a huge echoey room. There is so much going on around me to make me anxious or paranoid that it almost always nearly drives me to breaking point where I feel dizzy, sick and disorientated. I just feel lost and completely out of my comfort zone. Even though I have someone with me, as I never leave the house alone, I still experience these feelings of discomfort and just want nothing more than to get out of the situation.
Leaving the supermarket only offers little relief for me as now my mood has been well and truly ruined for the rest of the day. I feel drained and just want to sleep and hope I wake up in a better state the next day.
These bad days can sometimes turn into bad weeks when I am feeling particularly low, although thankfully this doesn’t seem to happen as often as it used to largely due to seemingly being on the right medication. The bad days do still occur though, and they are always tough to deal with.
If you are ever having a bad day, talk to someone about it. Never bottle it up. That’s the best advice I can give.